Anal sex is everywhere in porn and now it’s taking the romance genre by assault. If you have an erotic romance story, you bet the hero at one point will ask the heroine for anal sex—that is, if he doesn’t force her into it. It’s usually a male’s decision that the girl accepts in the name of love and lust. The hero guarantees she’s going to like it. Countless heroes have done so: let’s train your ass, you’ll love it, yada-yada-yada—then a kiss on her forehead and a dick shoved up her butt.
Wait a minute.
How can he be so sure she’ll love it? And how can he make that decision for her?
It’s not his body.
Anal sex is a male fantasy. It gives the man a sense of empowerment over the woman: he reigns in a dominant position, which is heightened by the idea of transgression: he is entering a forbidden territory. As for women, they have been trained by male porn to find it a desirable practice, since porn is the major sex reference in our society. Anal sex seems to be turning mandatory in erotic romance as it already is in male porn. That really bugs me.
Anal sex is not mandatory: it’s optional.
We are all being brainwashed to believe that everyone should do it, that this is what we want and enjoy. The mass media convinces us through endless repetition that we need this phone, we need those jeans, and now we need anal sex. That’s the anal dictatorship in which we live nowadays.
If you remember from an earlier post, the staple anal sex in porn stemmed out of men’s resentment against women. I would say that’s definitely not the best approach to sexuality. Let’s recall pornographer Paul Hesky’s pearls of wisdom: “Essentially, it comes from every man who’s unhappily married, and he looks at his wife who just nagged at him about this or that or whatnot, and he says, ‘I’d like to fuck you in the ass.’ He’s angry at her, right? And he can’t, so he would rather watch some girl taking it up the ass and fantasize … and that is the attraction, because when people watch anal, nobody wants to watch a girl enjoying anal.”
Now this is what male sex educator Michael Castleman has to say about anal sex: “In porn, ‘anal’ usually means penis-anus intercourse. In real life, this is the least popular form of anal play. Most real anal play involves gentle sphincter massage or shallow fingering. Women who do anal scenes use gobs of lubricant and wear butt plugs for an hour before going on-camera, but viewers never see this. Worse, some porn includes penises that go directly from the woman’s anus into her mouth, which may transmit infection.” Castleman wrote that in an article back in 2012. Today, anal sex has become more common in the real world, thanks to the indoctrination pushed by mainstream porn and now by mainstream erotic romance novels.
Hello vagina, nice to meet you anus
Let’s talk anatomy. I will borrow hard science information taken by expert Dr. Miriam Grossman’s brilliant lecture in 2015.
Here’s the vagina:
— A 20 to 45-cell thick lining for protection
— Elastic tissue that allows for stretching
— Natural lubrication
— Low pH that inactivates HIV
— Anti-HIV proteins
The vagina is designed for penetration. Of course, that doesn’t mean you should do extreme stretching or pounding because tears will certainly occur. Nor should you have unprotected vaginal sex, as the risks of getting AIDS and other STDs still exist.
Here is the anus:
— A very fragile ONE-cell thick lining, hardly any protection
— No elasticity
— No natural lubrication
— Higher pH
— Tissue prone to microtears that make it vulnerable to infections and STDs
— Abundant M cells that capture and deliver viruses into the body system
— At least 31% higher risk of HIV and other STDs, in a conservative view
In addition, keep in mind that the use of condoms DOES NOT offer 100% protection against STDs. In an interview, a former prostitute turned sex advisor in Brazil told she used to have anal sex with her clients only once every three days precisely because she was aware of the risks and wanted to protect her body—she was a divorcee in the sex business to support her daughter.
Besides posing much higher risks when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases, anal sex can cause hemorrhoids if not done properly. In extreme cases such as the violent pounding and even double anal penetration endured by pornstars, rectal prolapse may occur: the anus falls out of the body and needs to be stitched back through surgery.
No one mentions those things in porn videos and erotic novels.
That being said, yes, anal sex can be satisfying if done the right way, with lots of foreplay and lube, and avoiding unnecessary risks. The anus has many nerve endings that can enhance pleasure. Anal sex thus may be great or interesting or uncomfortable or very painfully. That will depend on the woman, her mental state and anatomy, as every woman is different. For a man it’s quite easy: it’s his fantasy and his butt is not on the line.
My two cents
That doesn’t mean a fantasy of male domination is necessarily unhealthy. In fact, it can be a turn on for both male and female when performed with complicity and respect (respect, by the way, doesn’t need to be vanilla). In such scenario, like anything else, it can deepen a couple’s intimacy and emotional connection. Anal sex usually has the woman on all fours and the man behind her. It’s animalistic—that’s how animals mate—and for that reason can be very hot. You want the excitement without the pain in the butt? That is achieved by simply adopting the doggie-style position while using the front entrance. Anal or not, the doggie position can make the male parts rub on the right female parts as well as deliver that wild edge.
But let’s go back to our primary anal subject.
As I mentioned on my post about romance heroines, anal sex and any other sexual experiments should be discussed and performed with spontaneous and mutual consent. If one of the partners suggests an idea, a conversation should follow, no matter how brief. That’s when both partners agree to do whatever is being suggested. If one of them feels uneasy and is not in agreement, then that practice can’t happen. It’s as simple as that. And there’s more: consent can be withdrawn anytime if discomfort arises. “Yes” is not set in stone.
What I constantly find in porn film is men sodomizing women without consulting them. It’s a given that those objectified women are there solely to please men: they don’t have wishes, preferences or opinions. Then there’s always the director shouting orders for them to moan how much they’re enjoying it. In romance, it’s not very different. The hero decides what he wants to do with her butt, she goes along with it despite being reluctant and then she ends up loving it. I’m not sure if that’s even realistic.
Furthermore, the staple position for anal sex tends to be the woman on her knees or piled up over the man while he pounds into her. Both positions, in porn, are aimed at displaying the penetration and the woman’s genitalia for the camera. And, in both cases, the woman has little control over the man’s movements. In order for that to happen, the man should lay on his back and the woman should kneel astride him so to be able to rise and lower her hips, controlling the penetration in a way that’s comfortable for her.
Those were my two cents of advice on this subject. I won’t be giving anal sex tips because there are plenty of articles about it out there, should anyone decide to try it.
Take care of yourself, respect your own wishes and be happy. Ignore what popular culture tells you. Popular culture is an interpretation of reality: it’s not reality per se.
On my next post I’ll be talking about sex education in schools. Interestingly enough, we’ll have another brush with anal sex. Yep, it’s all over the place. Stay tuned!