The saying goes that, when the student is ready, the teacher comes along. But when are you ready for the lesson? The answer is: when understanding reaches your heart and gets in sync with your mind.
There are two stages to true understanding. They are key on the path to self-awareness that brings closure to emotional problems. The first stage is when, after reflecting on a given issue (it could be insecurity, jealousy, anger), you understand its emotional roots from a rational standpoint. You analyze it and comprehend the internal dynamics that lead you to that particular irrational response—now you know how to solve the problem. It’s the first step to healing.
The second stage is when, after dealing consciously with the problem, the solution finally touches your heart. You see, the problem originated in your heart—your emotion—and a solution will never be validated until it reaches it. When that happens, it feels like a moment of true revelation, and the problem dissolves.
Another crucial aspect for healing is self-acceptance. We are told we should always be positive: negative emotions such as fear or anger should not be displayed at the risk of tarring our image. As a result, we tend to ignore or reject our negative feelings. We then develop two sides: the smiley face we show to the world, and the scarecrow we hide in the basement.
Take a good look at him, though. That scarecrow is a part of you. Accept him, establish communication, come to terms with him. You two can certainly work things out. Pat your scarecrow on the head, explain to him it’s OK to feel that way but it’s not productive, so what could the two of you do to dissolve the negative feelings?
Don’t hate or despise your scarecrow. Don’t turn your back to him. He’s fragile, he’s lost, he suffers. Reach out to him instead. Love him.
Wouldn’t you do that for a friend or another being? Then why do you deny it to your own self?
You’ll never be whole if you reject that part of yourself. You will never be truly happy and in peace. The greatest trigger for fear is avoidance. The more you avoid an inner demon, the more you fantasize about how ugly it is, and the scarier it becomes.
Don’t beat yourself up for having negative feelings. Embrace them as part of you and your human nature.
Then talk to your scarecrow in a loving way.
I promise he will understand.